He Details the Stand Mixer

Ben turns thirty-three tomorrow, which marks the beginning of the two and a half month period during which he is older than me. I like to use those months to say things like, “I don’t know, Honey. I don’t understand that reference. Is that from before I was born or something?” Or, “We should think about having another baby soon because you really are getting kind of old.”

To celebrate, we are going out on a hot date. A hot date means, obviously, that I will need to shave my armpits and possibly purchase one of those undereye concealers. (Ben hates when I use the word “armpits” on the internet, but I don’t think he minds “undereye concealer”. We have a marriage of peaceful compromise.) I will make a cake and we will end the evening like we end most evenings: I will fall asleep rocking the baby but wake up every so often to mumble, “I’m not sleeping. I’ve just gotta close my eyes for a second.” Ben will tell me when I wake up that he was trying to watch an episode of How It’s Made on Netflix, but he could barely hear because of my snoring. I deny the snoring thing and then want to stay up until midnight watching Downton Abbey, which puts Ben straight to sleep.

In honor of my dashing husband, I thought I’d just share thirty-three things that I love about him, in no particular order.

1. He is the most emotionally stable person who has ever been born. Unflappable.

2. He fixes things. Like weird things that break on my minivan or the kids’ toys or doorknobs that fall off.

3. He doesn’t ever refer to what he does with the children when I’m not home as “babysitting”.

4. He doesn’t cry, which might not be considered a “pro” on some people’s list, but I personally could not handle a blubbering husband.

5. He is quite frugal.

6. He is very, very honest.

7. He watches terrible television with me and sometimes even looks awake.

8. He doesn’t buy me jewelry.

9. He doesn’t complain when I make gross food.

10. When I came home from being out last week, he casually mentioned, “I detailed your stand mixer. It was gross. I saw mashed potatoes on it from Christmas.”

11. He taught me how to get cloth diapers out of the pail and into the front-loading washer without actually coming into physical contact with the diapers. This is a great skill to have.

12. On the other hand, he is unfazed when confronted with baby poop.

13. He is peaceable.

14. He is patient.

15. He gets me really terrific gifts on holidays, but only if I haven’t actually asked for them. Which means that when I saw a scarf that I loved recently, I felt nervous that I wouldn’t say enough to let him know how much I loved it, but also nervous that I could possibly over-emphasize how much I loved it and never see the scarf again. (I liked the scarf so-so, Honey. It was just okay. But it probably won’t be there forever.)

16. He cooks.

17. He balances me and brings me back to center from whatever wacky extreme I have swung to.

18. He almost always trims his face hair the way I like it best.

19. He has no requirements for my leg shaving frequency.

20. He only makes fun of my favorite pajama pants every third or fourth time I wear them.

21. He’s the only white person I have ever known with truly jet-black hair.

22. He is the best father ever. I know some of you might think your husband really has the dad thing down. I’m sure he is just swell. But Ben is the best.

23. He is uncomplicated.

24. I never have to iron his clothes.

25. He is an excellent provider.

26. He is also excellent at taking long, guiltless, weekend naps.

27. He isn’t weird and obsessive about “guy time”.

28. Ditto on “me time”.

29. I think I mentioned up there somewhere that he never wears clothes that require ironing (or, if they do, he just wears them as-is). It bears repeating. He is a deep, amazing, uncomplicated man.

30. I always feel safe with him (even when we’re somewhere like Over the Rhine or Wal Mart or something) – not so much because I think he would even know how to punch someone, but because he looks kind of intimidating and like the kind of guy who might carry knives in his socks or something.

31. He laughs approximately three (maybe four) times a year. When he does, it is the funniest thing that you will ever see. I hope you see it someday. I mean .. you’d have to move in with us or you would probably miss it. But it’s one of those experiences that just sucks you in.

32. He is practical. But sometimes lavish. And very responsible. Very, very responsible.

33. He loves me the way I am. Which .. can you imagine? I think it’s probably a challenge and he’s getting lots of jewels in heaven. But he does. He loves me.

Anyway. Ben just threw together this shed recently. That should have been on my list – he builds things. I think my last post had pictures of the shed in the works, but it is officially done.

Happiest birthday to you, Old Man.

Love,

Your scandalously young wife